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Becoming a stay at home mom
Becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM) was not something I intentionally became; it just happened. My initial plan was that after my maternity leave, I would put my daughter in daycare close to my job. So that I could drop her off on my way to work. And then pick her up on my way back home. I was also considering hiring someone to stay home with her while I went to work. While weighing my options, I went back and forth from the hospital because I felt something was wrong right from the very first day my daughter was born. And had doctors tell me my baby was fine. That notwithstanding, I still felt something was wrong. I then decided to pack up and leave to be with my husband, who was in a different country then. This is honestly a brief summary of all that transpired, and there are just so many things I wish I knew before becoming a stay at home mom.
Background: My journey to becoming a stay at home mom.
Let me give some background as to why many people who knew me before I became a mom; find it hard to believe that I “settled” to become a stay at home mom. I was a workaholic, and proudly so. I was the kind of person who would be the first to come into the office in the morning. And be the last to leave at the end of the day. Also, before becoming a mother, I worked for some wonderful companies and thoroughly enjoyed my time there.
Also, I was raised by a single mother. And as a child, I looked up to my mother like most children would. I still look up to her to this day. My mom worked like crazy to ensure that she could provide for her two girls, and we never lacked anything. She is truly amazing. She is both mother and father to my sister and I. And I could not thank her enough for the sacrifices she made for her girls.
Therefore, thanks to my mom’s hard work, my sister and I had everything we needed. So, we grew up having “work” at the forefront of our minds. Even when my sister and I were still in school. During the holidays or when we had prolonged strikes in Nigeria. My mom would help us find jobs to keep us busy. And we loved it. My grandfather had a school, and I taught there. I also worked at a law firm and some other places. We enjoyed working because my mom had instilled in us work ethics. And a general love for working (outside the home, lol). So, the transition to becoming a stay at home mom, as much as I love it, and I am grateful to stay home and be there for my child. It is still quite a challenge, especially on the mind.
I never anticipated becoming a stay at home mom…
I had always thought that even when I had kids, I would continue to work outside my home. And find an excellent work-life balance. I recall, many years ago, a friend brought up the conversation about whether I would like to be a stay-at-home mom one day. Boy, did I shut that conversation down so fast! Now, fast forward many years later, and I am a stay-at-home mom, and proudly so. Life can be so funny.
It is a blessing to be a stay-at-home mom.
I must mention at this point that I actually count myself very lucky. Very, very lucky and fortunate to be able to stay home. And raise and take care of my child by myself. I think this is a luxury that perhaps some people want to be able to do but cannot. Because they have to work outside the home and stuff like that. And even though I still think being a stay-at-home mom is hard work, for sure. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, although it is a job in itself. I still crave and want to do things other than being a stay-at-home mom for my mental sanity. Thus, I embark on continuous online learning to continue mentally stimulating and challenging myself. I also have several hobbies that have the potential to blossom into businesses. Fingers and toes crossed.
My situation is peculiar because I am not in my home country. I am away from my friends and family. And the only person I know here is my husband, who always has to work. I have my daughter, of course, and I enjoy her company. But it would be nice to be able to hang out once in a while with my female friends. So, in essence, it can be a little lonely being a stay-at-home mom.
If I were in my home country, I probably would have taken time off work to care for my child. And raise her to a certain age before returning to work outside my home. Or I would have had many side hustles whilst I stayed home. I also definitely would have wanted to return to work or find some part-time job where I could take care of my child and still work, whether outside or from home.
A long and emotional journey.
Becoming a stay-at-home mom has been a long and very emotional journey. Because after I gave birth to my daughter, there were some health complications. I gave birth in Nigeria, and as aforementioned, I immediately felt something was wrong. My maternal instincts kicked in, right off the bat. I spoke to the doctors. I went back to the hospital multiple times, even after being discharged, trying to explain what I felt was wrong. The doctors kept telling me it was a first-time mom thing and that everything was fine. There is no need to run the test and do scans because “it could lead to cancer.” So, I was terrified to have tests done in Nigeria because the doctors made me feel like I was crazy. As though all my worries were baseless. All in my head, whereas in reality, it was a life-or-death situation.
Even though, as I’ve already mentioned, my original plan was to stay in Nigeria and keep working. I am grateful for how things turned out. Everything works out for our good in the end. So, I thank God for having a bigger plan for me. And for looking out for my family and I, especially my daughter. I thank God because becoming a stay-at-home mom saved my daughter’s life, although the actual saving was done by the doctors who performed the needed surgery. But, quitting my job, leaving Nigeria to be with my husband, and becoming a stay-at-home mom afforded me the luxury and time to be with my daughter. To observe and take care of her, as well as look for and find the help that she needed.
Perhaps one day…
I will try to write about what I went through in getting my daughter diagnosed. And getting treatment if I can find the right words to express all that we went through. It was emotional, and having to relive that in order to put it into words is a lot. I am just eternally grateful that my child is alive and well. I thank God for the doctor who was able to diagnose her finally. May his soul rest in peace; he passed away in 2021. Also, I am also thankful to all the doctors who did the tests and surgery. I am grateful to my husband for all his unending love and support. And to everyone who was involved in saving my child’s life.
In case it is not apparent, the essence of this post is that moms rock. Irrespective of whether they work from home or outside the house, Dad’s rock, too, of course. And as parents, we must trust our instincts no matter what. Nobody knows our children more than us.
If you read this far, that’s great, thank you. If you feel inspired to, please do share your journey to becoming a stay at home mom in the comments, I’ll be sure to reply.
